It was the middle of a worship night and my mind was running crazy down the path of some anxious scenario. I wanted to be at this worship night. I wanted to be all in worshipping Jesus. I wanted to be distraction and worry free, but here I was, chasing anxiety again.
For a moment, I let my mind follow the anxious path. I could feel body tensing and tears springing to my eyes. And the words I’ve told myself so many times floated through my head...
”It’s good to think through this, because now, if the worst does happen, I will be prepared to deal with it.”
But in that instant it struck me: these words I’d so often repeated to myself were not wisdom but lies.
My mind spun as this truth sank in. Finally, as the spinning calmed and my thoughts collected themselves, I breathed deep.
I knew in that moment I had a choice.
And then I lifted my head with this resolve.
I will not move on in life persistently imagining and preparing myself for the worst case scenario. Because there is no need.
In Jesus I already have everything I need for life and godliness. I am already equipped to deal with any trial God brings my way, because Jesus is in me.
"His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence”
2 Peter 1:3
I do not need to prepare for the worst case scenario, because I already am prepared in Jesus...because I have Jesus living and active in me.
All this running of scenarios and what-ifs in my mind wasn’t just “helpful planning” or even “harmless anxiety”. It was sin. It was indulging in the lie that I am somehow in control of my own life and emotions in such a way that were something bad to happen to me or someone I love, I wouldn’t need help.
I believed that I would be okay because I was prepared enough and that all this preparation would make me strong enough to handle whatever life could throw at me.
But preparation doesn’t make me strong. Jesus makes me strong because Jesus is strong in me.
If I truly believe that Jesus was already strong on my behalf when He went to the cross, then surely I can believe that He will be strong enough in me throughout every day of this life.
As the truth grew stronger inside me, I slowly refocused my heart on worship…bowing my heart and head before my Maker in joy and praise.
But our Enemy doesn’t give up easily. Anxious thoughts came storming into my mind many other times throughout the night. But this time, I had another weapon with which to battle. Another truth with which to take out the lies.