It's been a week.Too long...
My feet no longer miss the pounding of the pavement beneath them. My eyes no longer long for that early sunrise beauty. My ears no longer strain to hear truth poured into my heart for half hour at the beginning of my day. My body no longer craves the surge of raw, fresh energy it was accustomed to at the end of a run.
I know. But I keep distracting, denying, trying to forget.
I waited too long. The desire is gone.
But I know that if I just get up and start one foot moving in front of the other, one deep breath followed by another, filling my lungs with clean morning air and allowing my heart to soar with my pulse then it will come.
Slowly but surely...I know that if I start then it will be easier to keep going. That if I stopping thinking and worrying and planning and denying and ignoring and fretting...if I just start doing and moving and running and breathing...then slowly it will return.
Some days will be like torture. Getting one foot in front of the other will seem impossible. Some days it will take my whole energy and focus to not thing about the burning of my lungs and the aching in my knees. But if I keep on and I keep focusing on the good and I keep ignoring the pain and I keep focusing my breath, then, slowly, my body will grow strong. Each footstep will become more sure, each breath more controlled.
Before long I will be running free, not desperate. Each foot placed in front of the other grows strength in my body. Each breath pulled in gasping increases the endurance of my lungs. And soon, my mind and heart and body will grow strong and sure and controlled ...if I place one foot in front of the other and follow each deep breath with another.
...if I follow one act of obedience with another ...if I open my Bible every morning no matter how hard ...if I whisper His name morning, noon, night, and dozen times in between ...if I place one foot in front of the other, in front of the other, in front of the other...
...until one day I look back over my life and see that somehow Grace carried me and kept me moving and breathing and living and dying to myself. ...and I see that Grace carried me into eternity strong. ...and I know that it was only Grace that kept me from thinking and worrying and planning and denying and ignoring and fretting ...and Grace pushed me to start doing and moving and running and breathing ...and to keep going every minute ...and to start again each time I failed ...and to keep looking at forgiveness and clinging to the one who holds me and to focus on the prize and not the process and to trust when I can't see the end and to run and run and run when I can't go on. ...and it was all Grace all along and He is beautiful beyond compare.
Then, slowly, my faith will have grown strong. Each footstep will have become more sure, each breath more controlled, until I have run into His everlasting arms.
Sisters, I want to run into eternity...by His grace may it be done.
Be blessed <3
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." - Hebrew 12:1-2