Day 30: I am Not Awesome

{This post is part of my 31 Day blog series Work Hard + Rest Well: Learning Obedience in the Rhythms of Work and Rest.} Two days ago, while driving home from my last tutoring appointment in the nearly darkness of a beautiful day, I started to pray. And I started with the yuck, just spilling my frustrations out to God.

This series came when I needed it most. But it hasn’t gotten easier this month. It’s gotten worse.

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I’ve been less intentional. I’ve been more tired. I’ve been struggling to work. I’ve been struggling to rest. And I’ve felt a mounting sense of guilt the whole time.

So I poured out to God in the car that evening..."I’m failing at the things that I’m telling people to do. You’ve taught me all these things this year and I can’t even live them out. What’s wrong with me? What am I missing? I’m such a hypocrite. If they knew..."

And suddenly He spoke...so gently, but so clearly. “You can come to Me for help."

My heart and my mind stopped short. That was what I had been missing.

I’d been trying to Him for rest and I’d been attempting to work for His glory but I’d been doing it all in my own strength. And the words of Sunday’s sermon flooded my mind again...

“Jesus is AWESOME. I am NOT awesome." Jason Sanchez

And when you realize that you don’t have to do it on your own, you find an incredible peace and freedom.

I’ve encouraged you and I’ve encouraged myself to work hard and to rest well and to be intentional, but I haven’t reminded us to pray. And without the strength of God’s Spirit working in us, all our best efforts will fail.

Because I struggled through this month so much, when God spoke to me two nights ago, it hit me hard. I needed His strength and help so desperately this whole time, and I didn’t see it.

Let’s not fool ourselves into thinking that we can work hard and rest well on our own. Instead let’s humble ourselves to pray for God's strength.

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Pray daily. Pray hourly. Pray hard. Pray humbly. Pray for help and strength and discipline. And when He answers and our lives begin to show the fruit of God center rhythms of work and rest, the glory will only be His. Because if we’re asking for His strength, we won’t be able to claim any of the glory.

Let’s pray.

Be blessed <3