I thought I was... a mover a doer an A-type an ever-practical thinker a detached soul an un-romantic lover a planner a non-crier a realist ...I thought.
But over the past few years, particularly since getting married, I've started wondering if that really is me anymore.
Now I'm wondering if I'm... a dreamer a lover a visionary a deeply emotional being a crier a feeler a compassionate soul ...I'm wondering.
I thought, "What do you mean, I 'don't have the gift of compassion'!?!? I am so compassionate!"
But as I thought about it later on, I realized she was right! I still tried to deny it, but a few years ago, I gave up the denial and the trying to be compassionate on my own. It didn't work.
So instead I prayed. I prayed for compassion. I prayed for a soft heart. I even prayed for tears. (Yes, I can't cry...unless it's late at night when I'm PMS and I really have no reason to cry...)
I've prayed for compassion and for tears many times at random points through the last 4 or 5 years. I've prayed for a soft heart before God many, many more times.
And today, as my analytical A-type self sat pondering, I realized... I cried through this podcast. Cried!
Again those thoughts of "what is happening to me" and "who am I" came flooding through my head, I realized...
Maybe this is my answered prayer. Maybe bit-by-bit God is working in my heart to soften and deep it. Maybe I never noticed the change was happening. Maybe He's still answering that prayer daily. Maybe He is going to use this new-found softness, sensitivity, and compassion for His glory...I pray He will. And maybe this post, that just fell into my heart, will be the perfect start to a whole new type and series of blogging that God has been putting on my heart the past month. Maybe...
Be blessed <3