Plans skitter through my brain full of life and energy and excitement. Little touches to make everything just right. A thought here and an idea there.I can see the final picture and it's regal. My brain is sending it's energy to my heart making it leap and bound in anticipation.
And the moment arrives never quite how it was planned. The little details get changed. The skittering thoughts and ideas come crashing down into the realm of reality. In my frantic hurry to create the moment of my fantasy, my babbling mind becomes agitated and intense. Frustration mounts and I begin to ascend that torturous mountain of self-effort and gripping control. Controlling myself Controlling Travis Controlling the situation Controlling time
Holding tight, tighter, to my plans, churning through each unexpected twist by twisting the situation still more to get the desired outcome, manipulating. Stomach tightening, muscles clenched…calm outside, frustrated inside.
In the end, even if I manipulate all the variables to bring to life the bubbly, excited vision I started with, the luster has been lost, the excitement has hardened into steely determination.
And in the end, perhaps this is not a bad instinct for many areas of life. But when that area is planning a fun afternoon with friends or a romantic date with my husband…. Perhaps the plans would have been canceled had I sat back and smiled instead of manipulating the situation, but perhaps there would be more joy left in those moments if I relaxed and enjoyed the process. Perhaps the result if I had loosened my grip would have been far different, but perhaps it would have been far more rewarding…far more enjoyable. Perhaps…almost for sure…definitely…I would have had a better day. And definitely plans would have been different. But definitely, it would have been the right thing to do.
Praise God for the grace of lessons learned and new days ahead, for mistakes learned from and a new chance with sun tomorrow. Praise God for His grace.
Be blessed <3