I don't always breathe freely. It's easy to see when I'm not, but sometimes I close my eyes and try to pretend that everything is okay...that I'm not holding my breath. It shows in my words. In my intimacy.
When I'm breathing freely, it's easy to keep my husband close. It's easy to speak words that bring closeness and intimacy.
When I'm breathing freely, I can't contain the words in my mind. They flow out of my fingers almost too easily. They pour out...more thoughts than I can contain in my mind and heart.
It's how I processes. It's how I know I'm breathing.
Sometimes, there are no words. Sometimes, I can't find words to tell the simplicity of what I did all day. Sometimes, there is nothing...I feel nothing.
Sometimes, I close my eyes and turn my head away. Sometimes, I refuse to believe what I know is true. Sometimes, I say... I'm not sleeping well. My husband should talk first. Life is just so busy.
But I know... God knows...
When there are no words, I'm secretly fighting Him. Fighting intimacy. Fighting surrender. Fighting trust.
Once I finally open my eyes and surrender...the words flow again. It's pretty easy to tell when I'm breathing freely...for my blog readers more than anyone. Am I saying anything? I mean really saying anything?
You'll know...and I am hopefully not shutting my eyes.
Be blessed <3