I have a hard time slowing down enough to ponder and evaluate the past. I can agonize over my own mistakes and mess ups long enough, but truly revisiting the past in a fruitful and positive way is hard.
Maybe you can relate. It's easier to forge ahead blindly than to slow down enough for an honest evaluation. But the past few years I've been learning the value of reflecting on both the good and the bad. So today, I'm taking a peek back at this year on the blog. I want to remember the journey I've walked these past twelve months and I want to share that remembering with you.
In January I was soaking up all the excitment of being pregnant and taking all the naps I could get. I was becoming more secure in my desire to write and finally understood why everyone kept saying that shriang your story is important...but I had my own reasons for finally agreeing. It took one, two, and three posts to share all that was on my heart.
In February, I finally started to process in words the rocky path we had been walking, and I began to trust that we would see the light at the end of the tunnel. My early pregnancy was full of anxiety and fears…we were barely making it before and now we were adding a baby. My faith was shaky and I wrote reminders to myself.
In April, I turned twenty-four and my sweet hubby planned a surprise party for me on my last birthday where "it could really be all about me". We enjoyed the warm weather and I grew stronger and stronger in preaching the gospel and God's goodness to my own heart. God was so faithful to give me reminder after reminder that He was holding us.
In May, I was determined to soak up the beach and this time as just us two before we entered the glorious and busy world of parenthood. We celebrated four years as husband and wife with a gloriously relaxing two night getaway. Together we talked and prayed and listened, but God still said, “Wait".
In June, my tutoring slowed to a halt and our whirlwind summer began with Travis performing his first wedding and us hosting lots of visitors from Washington. It was a wonderful way to keep my mind off of my aching body and anxiousness to meet our sweet baby boy. I shared a humbling confession that needed to be written and kept writing and preaching faith to my own heart.
In July, I had my baby shower and began nesting in full with all the lists and plans I could come up with. I can't escribe how anxious I was to meet our sweet baby, but my sister visited and I distracted myself with preparing to launch my first ebook. Halfway through the month, we finally heard God say go. There was no plan, no way to be sure we'd make it through the rest of the year. A week later, God brought us an opportunity we'd thought was impossible. It wasn't much, but it was enough and I wondered why my faith had ever wavered.
In August...oh in August! On August 10th, I finished preparing everything for the next day's launch of my ebook devotional, Perspective Reset: A 28-day Study in the Psalms. I went to bed at 11:30 pm with no idea I would be meeting my son less than 24 hours later. Words cannot describe the joy our little boy has brought into our lives! The rest of the month was spent soaking up our sweet boy, enjoying family who was visiting, and adjusting to life with a newborn.
In September, I shared a post I'd written just a few days before James was born, in which, I had shared my fears about becoming a mommy. The words in that post were oh-so true! Different isn't bad. Hard maybe...but hard doesn't equal bad.
In October, I attempted to write for 31 days on one topic...humility. My word for 2015 was humility and I knew that in becoming a mommy I would need lots of it. I truly needed this deep dive into humility, and although I only completed about 20 days of posts, it shaped my heart and soul dramatically.
In November, I finally shared our son's birth story and some thoughts from those foggy, bewildering, wonderful days right after your baby is born. The holidays began with James' first Thanksgiving and I learned that being thankful is not enough.
In December, we ventured across the country with our four month old baby boy to spend twelve days with family in Washington State. It was such a joy to usher in the Christmas season by introducing our son to our families. Yet, in the business of vacation, I was reminded that peace is a matter of the heart, not your location on the map.
And that is my year. It wasn't an easy one, but it was an incredibly blessed one. I've experenced more growth and more joy in this year than I could possibly have imagined.
Despite the anxious nights and worried days that dominated parts of the year, I'm closing it out thankful and with an even greater assurance that God is good...so, so good.