Sometimes you need a perspective shift and some sunshine. Summers here in South Florida are sometimes more like winter...grey, dreary and stormy. At least that's how it's been the past two weeks. Rainy Stormy Grey
And my heart has been feeling a bit of the same.
My sister said it on the phone Saturday night, “We were raised in a family where hard work was hugely important…and I’m so thankful for that."
I am too. I really am. But sometimes, hard work becomes everything and I forget how to rest. That rest is important. That rest is godly. That rest is obedient. And when life is slower, I start to feel guilty for not working more. This summer’s tutoring schedule has been very sparse. I’m getting to read a lot and write a lot and rest a lot.
Those things are so good and I’m so thankful, but while I was experiencing one of my slowest weeks of the year, my husband was working 38 hours at Starbucks and prepping to preach two Sundays in a row while our lead Pastor and his family were on vacation.
And as my husbands to do list rolled on and on, I felt guilty...lazy even. The more guilty I felt the less productive I became. And as I looked up at the clouds, I felt their gloom settling in my soul.
I tried to ignore it. I tried to shake it off. I tried to be remind myself of the importance of rest...
But at the end of the day I'd come back to that lurking feeling of hollow guilt. Who was I to deserve rest? And since I'm not a mom yet, how could I justify any of the things I did at home that weren't actively earning money?
So finally, late Wednesday night, I whispered out my fears and my guilt to my husband.
And even before he said a word, healing began. Because guilt will hold us captive till we speak the errors of our heart or deeds. We can't be freed from shame until we confess it.
He spoke gently...graciously. He gave value and purpose to things I do that don't earn dollars and cents. He reminded me of the value of things that don’t make money...things like prayer and Bible study and loving people and serving at church, all the reasons I don’t work full time anyways. And he encouraged me to use the extra time I’ve been blessed with this summer wisely.
My heart breathed I sigh of relief to remember that the amount of money I make each day shouldn't determine the value of the day. The pay I receive per hour doesn't decide the worth or usefulness of how I spent my time.
Because we both know I won’t always have this time. The clock is ticking down on summer and the years are ticking up on our lives and we know that busier seasons will be in store again. But I’m learning that restful seasons are in store too.
And the weekend brought glorious blue skies and with it much needed hope and perspective.
So I’m starting now. I’m training myself now to learn to rest well and to make wise use of my slow times because these are the rhythms of life.
Be blessed <3