I've felt a gentle tug on my heart the past few weeks. One of those persistent, nagging thoughts that you try to ignore, but know you can't.
Because life gets hard and busy and overwhelming, so I press into ministry because it's there and it's important and it's what God has called me to. But I know that in order to minister the way He wants me to, I first have to press into Him. So I dig into God's Word in order to minister well.
But the tugging at my heart continues...and I know is God speaking to me.
"Alesha, come to Me for Me. Serve Me, for Me. Seek Me, for Me...not for anything else. I am enough. Nothing else will be enough."
And we need to be filled in order to pour out, but we can't fill up just because we want to pour out. We need to fill up because we love the One will are being filled up with.
The whole point of our faith is relationship with Jesus. If we abandon our relationship with God in order to serve others, then we are missing the point. An if we only maintain our relationship with God in order to be able to serve others, then we are still missing the point.
We aren't called to minister so that we will know God. We are called to minister because we already know and love God.
We aren't called to serve others and seeking God is a requirement. We are called to serve others because we are already seeking God.
We aren't called to help so that we can have a reason need God. We are already in need of God and our thankfulness for what He has done for us in our brokenness compels us to help others find Him as well.
And if we miss the first step, if we miss knowing and needing and loving God in a deep personal relationship with Him simply for the sake of Who He is, then we won't ever be able to serve and point others to Him effectively.
I want to seek God for God.
Not because I need Him in order to minister.
Not because I know it's the right thing to do.
Not because I want something from Him.
I want to seek God because He is God.
I want to seek God because He is good.
I want to seek God because I love Him.
I want to seek God because I want more of Him.
I want to seek God because I am captivated by His beauty.
I want to seek God because I am enamored with Who He is.
So I'm evaluating my motives and praying that God would give me greater love for Him. And I'm preaching to my own heart His goodness and beauty. Because there is no better way to grow desire for God than to see His beauty more clearly.
Do you struggle with this? Do you find yourself seeking God so that He will help you preach or write or minister instead of seeking Him because you simply desire Him?