"I don't have that deep confidence in this car yet, like I had in our old car," I told him. "Little noises still make me worried." "How long till you think you will?"
"I don't know. I had the last car for 6 years, we've only had this one 6 months..."
Three days later, I was on my knees confessing to God my lack of faith in His provision, praying for forgiveness when it hit me. The real reason I don't trust that our car won't break down at any second is because I'm not trusting God. I'm not trusting that when we prayed and prayed for a car and God brought this one, that it really was from Him and that it was a good gift.
Because it's easy to have faith in the macro. But it's hard to have faith in the micro.
Because it's easy to believe that God will take care of us in the long run. But it's hard to believe for the dollars to add up to enough today.
Because it's easy to have faith that God has a good plan long term. But it's hard to have faith that God has good for me right now in the middle of the hard moments.
Because it's easy to believe that God will always be with us. But it's hard to believe He is with us right now in the storm.
Because it's easy to have faith in God's ability to raise the dead. But it's hard to believe that He can produce life and faith from our hard, dead hearts today.
And I could tell you all the logical reasons I should trust our car... The mechanic told us that as long as we get regular oil changes our car will take us a long ways no problem. When we prayed, God told Travis that the third used car dealership we visited would have our car...and it did. After it was all said and done, we walked away with more money from the insurance than we could ever have sold our old car for. The car has run smooth and clean for six months and the only part to cause problems so far is a low hanging bumper in the front. This new car has approximately seventy thousand less miles than our old one.
...but all that evidence didn't make a difference. All that evidence didn't give me faith in our car's ability to run well without breaking down. Because a tiny part of me was still afraid that God didn't provide well, that He let us buy a bad car and time would show it. But really, it just comes down to a lack of faith in God's goodness.
And I ask myself why? Why do I insist on distrusting God's goodness in the simple things? Why do I continue to doubt His provision in the daily?
And I know that the ease of big faith, macro faith, is just an illusion. Because the big faith is always played out in the simple, daily steps of faith. If I can't have faith in God's goodness toward me today then I certainly can't for the future.
So I'm praying for a simple faith. ...a faith that believes God is good in the practical. ...a faith that trusts God's provision for today. ...a faith that rests in God's presence with me right now.
...a faith that trusts God enough to not be paranoid that the car He gave us will break down every time we drive over a bump in the road.
I'm praying for a simple faith...the faith for today, right now, this moment.
Be blessed <3