*"When the ground beneath my feet gives way
And I hear the sound of crashing waves
All my world is washing out to sea.
I'm hidden safe in the God who never moves
Holding fast to the promise of Your truth
You are holding tighter still to me.
The Rock won't move and His Word is strong
The Rock won't move and His love can't be undone
The Rock of our salvation"*
"The Rock won't Move" by Vertical Church Band
In those first few post partum weeks, I watched myself emotionally swing back and forth so quickly. I watched the way I handled the fears and the exhaustion (usually coming at the same time)...
And I'm thankful. I'm so thankful for all the ups and downs I've had in my life. I'm thankful for the things I've learned and the habits I've formed to this point.
If I hadn't walked through hard days and battled to come to the throne of Jesus anyways...
If I hadn't failed and failed and failed and had to practice the grace daily offered to me in Jesus...
If I hadn't desperately needed to learn how to preach grace to myself....
If the storms hadn't come and I hadn't learned hard lessons in the past...
...then I wouldn't have the tools I needed to handle the emotions of today.
If I hadn't learned how to lean heavily on the Rock, then I'd be swinging hard on the pendulum of emotions.
Don't get me wrong, these past thirteen weeks haven't been all smiles and peace. I've had my tearful meltdowns and my fearful sleeplessness. But I've also seen myself pull up short when the emotions come swinging in. I've also preached myself back into leaning on the Rock. I've also humbled myself to listen when my husband has encouraged and challenged me to stick close to Jesus in the moments that I'm crumbling under the weight of motherhood.
And there've been moments, when I've found myself swinging hard on the emotional pendulum, but instead of leaning into the swing I've reached out to the Rock and He has caught me.
And I'm thankful.
Thankful for His arm that catches me.
Thankful for His truth that steadies me.
Thankful for people who point me back to Him.
And thankful that I've see growth. ...that I'm not responding the way I would have a year ago or two years ago or five years ago. And thankful because the times I see myself still respond in ways that are wrong, I know he's not finished with me yet.
I know this is just the beginning of a whole new process of sanctification. I know He's going to keep growing me and refining me and teaching me.
And I know that someday, another storm will come and I'll look back thankful for today's lessons in steadying my heart on Him.
No matter how off track I get, He won't move or change. Because He is the Rock of our salvation.