There were long, deep conversations that night. Fears tumbled out of the dark, quivering corners of my brain and into the light. He sat there with those fears. Acknowledged them because he had felt them too, in his own places, and then he spoke truth into them.
When I look at what God has called him to do, it seems so simple...the truths seem so strong and real. But when I look into the face of my own fears, the areas I feel deeply and passionately about and I know God has placed on my heart for a reason, the fears seem bigger and stronger than the truths.
And we set a course for walking into those dreams and callings regardless of the fear, but the next morning I still woke up scared. Then I read these words...
"I used to be an 85% girl. I'd give 85% maybe 92% and call the part where I quit early grace. And there was grace. But I was also just not seeing that Christ died that I might have ABUNDANT life, life to the full. Grace doesn't just cover, grace compels...I want to be the gal who embraces trying 100%. Free from fear of failure or (fear of) how I'll be seen. Free from fear of stepping out. Free from striving compelled by grace." Jess Connolly via Instagram
And those words hit me hard. I'm always working toward balance and moderation. And I firmly believe those are good, good things.
But in an instant I saw how I have held back under the guise of balance and moderation.
I don’t want to give less than my best to something God has called me to do because I am afraid. I don’t want to work half-heartedly at the things God has placed in front of me under the claim of moderation. I don’t want to stay emotionally detached from something I am called jump into with my whole heart.
And the truths I need to hear come quickly to mind.
"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men..." Colossians 3:23
And I’m still seeking moderation, but I’m also seeking to learn to push myself all-in to the areas God has called me to. And I’m still seeking balance, but I’m also seeking to work whole-heartedly at the things God has placed in front of me. And I’m still seeking contentment and patience, but I’m also seeking to allow my heart to fully commit to the things God has given me to do and the people He has given me to love...regardless of how I might mess up or get hurt or be perceived.
I don’t want to get to heaven and hear God say, “You could have done so much more with the things I asked you to do if you had trusted me with the results and embraced them with your whole heart."
Sometimes 100% will look like opening my heart wider as I obey. Sometimes 100% will look like working harder at the mundane. Sometimes 100% will look like letting go of one thing in order to say yes to something else. Sometimes 100% will look like setting aside something I want. Sometimes 100% will look like doing something new and scary.
Whatever it looks like, I want mine to be a 100% that stems from obedience and moves forward in faith.
And as I give 100%, I need to remember... My hope is in Jesus, not in the results of what He’s called me to. My acceptance comes from God, not from others. My standard is Jesus, not the world. My victory is full obedience, not fame or acceptance or power. My reward is in heaven, not in this life. My failures are covered by the overwhelming grace of a loving God.
Are their areas in your life that you are hiding behind the guise of balance or moderation instead of stepping fully and wholeheartedly into what God has called you to? What does your 100% look like today?
Be blessed <3