To the Woman I've Been

When life feels like a battle…When saying something positive feels like a lie to even try… When little hurts bruise and harden… When pains spread like cancer through your very skin… When voices are either logic or lies and you never know which…

Sister, I’ve been there. I’ve fallen under the pressure of the battle. I’ve listened to those logical lies bombarding my heart. I’ve let the hurts and pains fester and grow. And I’ve felt the crush of a life that drums on relentless.

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Somewhere in those hard pressed days He reached in and rescued me. My soul had been rescued years before, but never doubt that our hearts need rescuing again and again. You can be saved and living in bondage. You can have your home in heaven secured and yet live with a heart as heavy as if you were destined for hell.

And He started teaching me at the beginning. He started with His love…where it always starts. He taught me that I can never do anything so terrible that I loose His love. I can never do anything so horrible that my position in Him changes. He views me the same way He views Jesus, the spotless lamb, His only Son.

His love always changes things. His love, when rightly understood, can not leave you the same.

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Because His love is so big, so perfect, so wonderfully beyond my comprehension. And I had to learn to preach it to myself, because my heart wanders so quickly.

Whispering it soft in the dark moments. Chanting it strong in the moments my heart can’t feel it. Preaching it out loud, with tears, in the midst of the crushing pain, knowing His love is true no matter what my heart feels.

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And life just got harder, and the drum of hard and tired and relentless life beat on…harder and more relentless. But there was joy instead of despair. There was hope instead of hopeless. There was thanks instead of tears.

Now... the hard the crush the pressing of life isn’t unbearable. It doesn’t leave my days stripped of wonder. It doesn’t rob my heart of the joy it’s been given in Jesus. It doesn’t set the tone of my life.

And I still preach His love and His grace daily. Without it, I know my heart will slide back into believing that it’s just hard…too hard for joy…to hard for peace.

But it’s never too hard…because of Jesus. Preach it. Chant it. Whisper it. Breathe it in and out. It is NEVER too hard, because of Jesus. Because of JESUS, it is never too hard.

Be blessed <3